Truth #2: The trap of obligation creates mediocre work. It becomes more difficult to offer up honest assessments when one is caught in the obligation of “being nice” because someone else has always been nice to you. The trap of obligation makes the establishment of new online relationships a tricky one, for me– is this person offering to support my work because they are genuinely behind it? Or are they hoping that supporting my work today means they get my support on theirs, later? And if I don’t have the time, resources, or desire to offer that support, what then? Truth #1: The trap of obligation erodes trust between two people. If people are playing that game, we never know whether or not someone has done something nice because they believe in the person/the work, or if they’re being nice because they want something in return, later. “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” is a generous and innocent idea only when both people want to be back scratchers and everyone in that person’s networking circle isn’t requesting a back scratch.Ħ Truths: What Manipulation Through Obligation Creates Manipulation through obligation is rampant in networking circles. Ask yourself whether you play any games and if you do, are they necessary? Sometimes, a straight forward honest and direct approach is the best way forward.Doing things for someone else, so that they’ll be obligated to do something for you on the return trip, is manipulation through obligation. It all boils down to control and a desire to portray ourselves in the best light possible. Some games seem inevitable and we all have the ability to manipulate others. There is subtle bullying, emotional blackmail and various incentives that can lead to all sorts of game playing in the pursuit of financial rewards and recognition. 6) Office PoliticsĬorporate environments are minefields for human games. If we didn’t play any games, we would treat people as equals. People play subtle games relating to their perceived status. We can easily make another person feel inferior by the way we look at them, the way we acknowledge them. In fact we communicate more through non verbal language than we do verbal language. 5) Subtle Status GamesĪ lot can be gleaned from non verbal communication. Whatever the reason – there is some sort of payoff. We may feel the need to protect ourselves from getting hurt or the idea of keeping the other person in the dark may make us feel more in control. Keeping another person guessing as to our true feelings can also be seen as a form of game playing – a tactic. 4) Showing Opposite Emotions to what is really being felt I want to reply now but I will make them wait a little…games games games. You know the drill – if I call now, I might seem too keen so I will wait another day, or – I have just received a text. I wish we lived in a world where people could be more open and express themselves as the mood takes them instead of trying to predict the outcome of their own behaviour. This is a form of game playing though and it does sometimes backfire. Scarcer resources are more in demand, after all. Sometimes we use reverse psychology to give the impression that we are more sought after and busier than we really are. A hugely mistaken attitude that ultimately disempowers the ‘victim’. In this way, a person can come to believe that they have no power over the way they are. When we blame someone else for our behaviour we are essentially absolving ourselves of all responsibility for our actions or inaction. They are essentially projecting their own inner frustration back onto another person as they find it too difficult to verbally express their needs and wants. Instead of asking for what they want, they will resist another person in a subtle way to create frustration for another. This often occurs when a person lacks assertiveness. Examples of games: 1) Passive-aggressive behaviour Often, we are not even aware of the games we are playing with others. Descriptively, it is a recurring set of transactions… with a concealed motivation… or gimmick.†€œA game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Psychologist, Eric Berne defined games as: Egocentrism is a childlike way of viewing the world where an individual finds it difficult to empathise and understand the world from another person’s viewpoint. People can have hidden agendas and many still operate from the egocentric standpoint, as they did when they were children. The more we feel we are being manipulated, the more suspicious we become. We make our minds up about the intentions of others without having solid evidence to support our thinking. Part of being human involves making assumptions about the intentions and behaviour of others. The Games You Play (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Games and Manipulation: The Games People Play
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